“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another (John 13:35). Jesus expected for all of those people who would call themselves by His name to not only conduct themselves in a particular way but to treat one another in a particular way – according to love. What does that look like? Paul answered that very question with the following:
“Love suffers long, and is kind; love envies not; love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up, does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not its own, is not provoked, takes not account of evil; rejoices not in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a).
God is pretty clear about everything He spoke about but there is definitely no ambiguity there. God wants us to feel a certain way toward one another and feeling a certain way towards one another implies treating each other in a particular way. Love demands and assumes respect, kindness, consideration, and longsuffering. At times it demands correction, but even that correction can be administered with respect, kindness, and consideration.
With all of this in mind it is amazing to me to see the way we can treat each other, not just as humanity, but how we can treat each other as brethren. We mock each other, speak poorly of each other, openly attack each other, and are quick to jump to conclusions based on the smallest of things or the least of information. In other words, at times we treat each other in every possible way God does not want. Instead we should be concerned with treating each other in the way we would want to be treated, God’s way. But what does that even look like?
Don’t talk about a person, talk to them. Jesus said in Matthew 18 that if you have an issue with a brother/sister you should “go, show him his fault between you and him alone” (vs. 15). At least that’s the first step. But more often our first reaction is to go to anyone but them. We go to our friend, our spouse, or even more common nowadays, we go to Facebook to air our grievances. The result? Nothing productive. We think we feel better but we never do because the problem is never really resolved. When all along it could have possibly been resolved and put to rest if only we would have talked to them instead of about them.
Don’t let personal differences get petty. What is the nature of these differences? It could be nothing or it could be something. They could be matters of opinion and preference or they could be matters of truth and right. Either way when those differences exist and cannot be resolved that doesn’t mean we have to get petty. When we lower ourselves to name calling, mockery, or belittling then we show how immature and backhanded we can be. We make ourselves no better than the captors and executioners of Jesus (Matthew 27:1ff). Those are not the actions of godly people. Instead the Golden Rule would be the better course of action – “All things therefore whatsoever you would that men should do unto you, even so do you also unto them: for this is the law and the prophets” (Matthew 7:12). If we wouldn’t want others to treat us in these ways then we shouldn’t apply this treatment to them.
Don’t assume the worst from the start. Somebody says something a little differently than we would. Somebody does something a little differently than us. Somebody responds to something a little differently than we would have chosen. We hear through the grapevine somebody might have said or done something. Our immediate reaction? We assume the worst. That person was wrong, ungodly, corrupt, or irreverent. But don’t we deserve the benefit of the doubt from one another? Granted, it could be the case that that person was wrong, ungodly, corrupt, or irreverent. But unless we know for sure we don’t have to assume that from the outset. Paul said back in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that love doesn’t think evil. But do I?
Don’t forget about the growing pains. Every child who learns to ride his/her bike falls. They scrape their knees, they bloody their nose, they give up more times than you could count, and then they get on and try again. And it’s not until they experience failure that they begin to learn. The same is true in a lot of other areas of life and it’s true when it comes to Christianity. There is no perfect Christian (1 John 1:8) and so the only option we have is to grow. But growing has its pains. Sometimes we say the wrong thing, or we say the right thing in the wrong way. Sometimes we do the wrong thing, or we do the right thing in the wrong way. Instead of immediately writing each other off shouldn’t we practice a little patience and give one another a little encouragement?
Think twice before you speak once. How many times have you said something in the heat of the moment that after a little hindsight you regretted? How can we avoid those types of mistakes? The old carpenter’s rule is measure twice before you cut once. That same mentality should be applied to the way we treat one another. We need to put a lot of thought into everything we say and everything we do. We need to think about just how serious a situation may be, how we can address it both appropriately and effectively, how we can reflect godliness, and how our response can help the guilty party the most. Life is not always about just being right. Life is about doing right and we would do well to exhibit the spirit of Christ in times like these.
We all find ourselves in positions at times where we let anger and frustration go too far, myself included. But in those times we’ve got to remember two things. We can only intensify problems by the way that we deal with them, so we need to deal with them right. And the world is watching us. When they watch us let’s do all we can to help them see God and that means treating each other God’s way.
-Andy